A Taxi Ride with Purpose...

My heart did a little happy dance last week on the way home from Bible Study.  I, with five of my kiddos, was crammed into an overloaded taxi.  (And by ‘overloaded’ I mean a 14-passenger van stuffed with 20 people, a toddler, two babies, and six chickens.)  Once we had boarded, my youthful little ones wasted no time with their typical, playful banter—joking, teasing and laughing with each other.  Immediately, I saw heads turning.  There were glances…and then double-takes from the other passengers as they observed this peculiar hand-gesturing communication that was happening. 

(Side note: It is a common misconception that Deaf people and their conversations are quiet.  Though sign language in and of itself is an unspoken language, it is still very animated and expressive.  Hence, sign language is not as silent as one might imagine.  Additionally, people who are profoundly deaf are often unaware of the sounds around them as well as the sounds they are making during a conversation.  To a person unfamiliar with deafness, these noises may sound strange and sometimes alarming.)

Needless to say, my kids were having a blast and as a result, they were making a little bit of noise...okay, maybe more than a little…

After all of the glances and stares, the comments soon began to follow; they hailed from all sides of the taxi.  And I’ll admit, most of what the other passengers were saying, I either didn’t hear clearly or I just didn’t understand.  (I am doing my best to learn Luganda, but I am far from fluent.  And my own hearing loss is an additional barrier sometimes.)

Still, I was able to clearly see that people were fascinated and quite intrigued by my kids and their unique language.  The curious onlookers were very quick to admit to each other that they had no idea what was being said (signed) and that they wished they knew.  (Welcome to MY world, folks.  And welcome to the world of my Deaf children.)

But remember when I said that my heart was doing a happy dance?...

Here’s why:  There was a woman sitting in the back of the taxi with us, smack dab in the middle of our (somewhat noisy) chatter.  She had been looking this way and that for several minutes, perplexed by the little hands that moved busily around her.  I watched as she paused for a moment, then a humble smile came to her face as she boldly announced to the other passengers, “These kids may be deaf, but you see, they sure are happy!”

And there it was—God’s light shining ever so brightly in that dimly-lit taxi.

Here in Uganda, and in communities around the world, people see a deaf child and automatically discount their value and potential.  It is often believed that because a child is unable to hear, they are also unable to read, write, learn, work, etc.   But Friday night was different.    

In the back of that crowded taxi, I trust that God spoke to hearts and affirmed in them what I have known in my own heart for a while:  We are all created for a purpose.  He knows each of us better than we know ourselves.  Scripture says that, “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you.  Before you were born, I set you apart...” Jeremiah 1:5.  We are His workmanship, created to do good things (Eph 2:10) and a child’s deafness cannot stop Him from being glorified.  Our God is much bigger than that.  In fact, only He has the ability to turn their pain into praises and their rejection into rejoicing.  And for sure, He and the angels rejoice each time He is able to shine His light through those precious vessels. 

I realize that most people don’t want to admit that God intentionally made a child deaf…(I find it more common that people want to ‘pray away’ their deafness.) But could it be that my children’s deafness is just part of His elaborate plan? An opportunity for Him to receive praise and glory in unsuspecting places?  Is it possible that my children can be other examples of ‘nobodies’ that God has carefully chosen to follow Him and be a reflection of Himself.  We see numerous other examples of such transformations throughout scripture: Moses, Job, Joseph, Esther… People who came from nowhere, without a resume, and without the necessary skills.  But despite that, God uses each of them in profoundly powerful ways. Perhaps my babies are among them?

I believe that thousands of years ago, God saw all of us in that taxi and knew that a group of [cute] Deaf children would be the perfect way to show His love and mercy. Nothing about that taxi ride was an accident—not even my children’s deafness.  Everything was orchestrated by God, for God.

And the part about this story that I think I love most…my kids didn’t even realize the looks, the stares, the comments…they were too busy being full of joy to even recognize what had happened that night.  I truly believe that God has filled their hearts with an undeniable joy which has primed them and prepared them to be used by Him no matter what the circumstance.

Leading praise and worship at Bible study:

I am always amazed at how much I learn from my kiddos.  Friday night was no exception. 

Which leads me to this question: Are we finding joy and contentment in the circumstances of our lives?  Or are our impure hearts getting in the way of what God wants to do through us? 

Follow Jesus?...What Does That Even Mean?!...

I had another Luganda lesson this morning.  As I was walking to class, I could feel a little hesitation in my step, but that feeling quickly faded, which opened doors to a pretty productive day…

After class, I took a little jog across the street—haha, who am I kidding?…

I didn’t jog; I walked. . .  

Nonetheless, I headed to a little café to meet a friend from church.   Not long into our conversation, my friend boldly admitted that this whole ‘Jesus thing” is just too tough to grasp.  

“Of course I go to church every Sunday, but I can’t wait until it is over…”  

I quietly watched as she recalled moments that were particularly confusing to her and I couldn’t help but feel immense empathy for her. 

Why?  Because just a few years ago, I was her!  Trapped in that very same situation—I had ‘accepted Jesus’ and was surrounded by fellow believers…but I felt more lost and alone than I ever had before!  I would see people raising their hands at church, shouting and praising Jesus.  During conversations, they would rattle on about how ‘God has changed my life’, and ‘My joy is in Christ’, and ‘I live for Jesus.’  Their words did not resonate with me at all…I just didn’t get it. They had surely gotten something that I was still missing. 

I was angry.  And jealous.  And confused.  If Jesus really is the same ‘yesterday, today, and forever,’  then why were they suddenly overflowing with happiness and confidence…yet I didn’t feel a thing?

Across the table, my friend continued to explain, “I’ve tried reading the Bible, but those stories don’t make sense to me.  I need help to understand what all of those words mean.”

I nodded in agreement.  As a new and young believer, I too didn’t understand the hidden meaning rooted in the scriptures. 

“And when I ask questions, nobody wants to sit down and explain things to me.  So, I have just accepted that the ‘following Jesus’ thing may not be for me.  Other people can do it, but for me, I don’t know what it means.”

And there it was again, that little nudge from God reassuring me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  Just as He had done a few years back, His gentleness was speaking to my heart.  It was as if I could hear Him say, “But she is made in My image! My love for her is unending and I won’t give up on her.  It is time to fight for her heart.”

God hasn’t called me here because of my intellect or my insight or anything else for that matter.  And that’s okay because this isn’t about me anyway.  This is all about God and His incredible love for His children.  More and more I am coming to realize that I am not qualified to be here.  I don’t have what it takes to do this work…except, I do.  I have Jesus and that is all it takes to win over hearts.

My friend—along with countless other Deaf kids throughout Uganda—are desiring to find their true identity.  They long to feel loved and to feel whole.  They may not know it yet, but they need Jesus.  They just don’t know how to find Him.

(Insert: God's awesome plan...with me in the middle of it all!...)

It is quite daunting to think about this road God has laid before me, but then I remember His promise to always go before me.   Without fail, He leaves me humbled, excited, and extremely thankful that He has afforded me such an opportunity to walk alongside these precious young people as they begin to discover the power of Christ. 

(P.S.  Please pray with me: I am praying that my life will be a constant light and a tangible expression of His love for them and that I remain in a steadfast surrender as He uses me to offer salvation to His beloved Deaf children.)

Its Gonna Be Worth It...

As a born-again Christian I know that I cannot escape the grip of of God's hand. Nor can I be hidden from his sight. He is omniscient, omnipotent, and omniprisent.
Still, there are times when it doesn't quite feel that way.  There are days when full-time ministry is exhausting--physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  There are times when life in a foreign country is lonely, when nothing seems to be going right, and the presence of God seems miles away.  And there are times when it really tough and really ugly and packing up and going home sounds like a good idea...
Then, there are days when all of the tears, the pain, and hours upon hours of prayer is finally worth it.
Today was one of those days.
I was asked to teach P6 R.E. (6th grade Religious Education)  As the substitute teacher, I grabbed a hold of the teacher's guide and skimmed over the curriculum to see what was planned for the day.
The topic: Jesus fed the hungry
It was suggested that the teacher use John 2:1-11 (Jesus turned water to wine) and Matthew 14:13-21 (Jesus feeds 5,000) to teach the subject.
I began with John 2.  The students were somewhat familiar with the story, but reading and understanding the words in the Bible often proves to be difficult for them--it can be tough, even, for a native English-speaking person to understand scripture...even harder if English is your second language...that you can't hear. So, we spent some good time transforming the words on the pages into a tangible picture for them to see and better comprehend.
After interpreting the first story into Ugandan Sign Language, we moved on to the second story.  I first let them read the passage of scripture...determined that they didn't understand...and began to interpret it for them.
We started with the events leading up to the story and discussed the issue of John the Baptist being imprisoned, which later lead to his death.  Slowly, we made our way through the whole story.  And what happened from there...my goodness, my heart is still smiling!  Before I could ask them a single question, their hands were being thrust into the air.  I immediately began getting questions like, "Did John the Baptist go to heaven?" "Why didn't God save John from being killed?" "Did Jesus go to secondary school? or college?" "Did Jesus have brothers and sisters?"
I was in awe of how their young, inquisitive minds had been able to see beyond the words on a page and begin to interact with the people, places, and events withing the story.  John the Baptist was not a story character to them.  He was a real person and they were concerned for him and his eternity!
One question would lead to another, which lead to even more.  I found myself in the middle of such an amazing conversation!  At one point I was answering a question and telling my students that God knows the number of hairs on each of their heads; that God can hear (and see) everyone's prayers...all at the same time!  I could see the bewilderment in their eyes and I smiled as one of my girls sweetly replied, "Wow, God must have  realllllly big eyes!"
Their body language began to change as they became more and more captivated by the conversation.  I repeatedly had to tell them to take turns; that, unlike God, I could not see all of their questions at the same time.  But they were all so curious and eager to know more that questions overlapped and comments were being hurled at me from multiple directions.
They asked about the disciples and I was able to tell them that many of the disciples didn't have an education, but God still used them in a powerful way.  And similarly, they might be deaf, but GOd has made them that way and He has plans to use each of them in a unique way too.
The conversation eventually flowed into the miracle of creation.  We talked about how God created everything, from the smallest baby bird to the largest of elephants.  From the littlest fish in the sea, to the giant sun, moon, and stars.
"But who created God?" one of them asked...Oh, to have the heart of a child.  The innocent, unblemished perspective of God and all His glory.  What an unbelievable blessing it is, that God has called me here for such a time as this. I can't imagine NOT walking this journey with Him.
I will be the first to admit, life over here is not easy--for me, or for the people God has called me to serve.  This road all-too-often becomes messy and uncomfortable and down-right scary.  But I am learning to be thankful despite the circumstances that surround me.  I am learning to trust Him when the road I am walking isn't clearly marked.  And I am learning to wait on Him.  Because at just the right time, He gives me days like this--reassuring me of His presence and reminding me that these kids, their hearts, and their eternities are worth it.  They are worth every tear, every busted toe, every heartbreak, every sleepless night...
They are worth it to me.
And they are worth it to Him.

Becoming A Samuel...

There have been so many thoughts floating around in my head these past few weeks--some are cohesive (and productive); others, not so much.  I know I need to put some tangible words to all these ideas and revelations, but I am pretty confident that I won't be able to do that in just one post.  So, I have taken a few notes and plan to address them at a later time.

Meanwhile, I am continuing to be reminding of the story of David.  Before he was David the King; David, friend of Jonathan; David who defeated Goliath...before any of this happened, he was David, son of Jesse,

A quick review: God had recently rejected Saul as King of Israel and had sent Samuel to anoint a new King--one of the sons of Jesse.  Upon reaching the home of Jesse, Samuel is greeted by seven of his sons.  God reveals to Samuel that none of these young men are the chosen king, which leads Samuel to ask, "Are these all the sons you have?"

And this is where my heart sits so heavy today:
Jesse replies, "There is the youngest, but he is tending sheep." 
This was to be a very important day for Jesse and his family--one of them was about to become the king of Israel...yet David was not even considered for the ceremony.  It is almost as though he was an afterthought--less worthy than his older, stronger, and more capable brothers.  The fact that Jesse left David in the fields and failed to even bring him to the event revealed his heart and diminished expectations of his youngest son.  Little did he know, this left-behind (literally) child would grow up to eventually lead God's chosen people.
Jesse, I am sure, underestimated the power that his words and actions had on his young son.  
For some of us, this story may seem irrelevant.  After all, what is the likelihood that my child is going to become king,,,or president...or cure cancer...or whatever!  But that is exactly my point; we don't know.  And we can't even begin to imagine what our children are capable of, particularly when they walk hand-in-hand with the Creator of the universe!
I am beginning to see the story of David played out in the lives of my students here in Uganda. Similar to David, many of these children are outcasts in their families.  They are often despised and rejected with no expectations to succeed in life.  Their brokenness and physical handicap¹ is simply disgraceful and unwelcomed in their communities.  But like David, these children are rising above the odds and surpassing the limits that have been placed on them.  They are succeeding in school, making friends, raising their own standards, and paving futures for themselves and others that will follow.
It is easy to look at these deaf children and see their disability...but why not look deeper to find their ability?

As parents and as Christians, we need to recognize the power our words have on our children.  We need to be very cautious as to what we are saying to our children and about our children.  Throughout scripture we are told that our words have the power to build others up or tear them down.  It is up to us to decide how our words will be used.
Of course, we don't intentionally criticize our children's appearances or abilities, but what are some of the ways we are unconsciously influencing our children's self-image in our day-to-day lives? Moms, are you constantly standing in from of the mirror, complaining about the few extra pounds you have gained, inadvertently implying to your young daughter that a woman's worth is measured by the size of her waist?  Dads, are you talking smack about the athletes on t.v., throwing out insults based on one man's performance that day? 
This is not to criticize anyone's parenting styles at all, rather to call our attention to the delicate needs of our children.
We need to be the voice of truth in their lives.
We all know the phrase, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me..."  Wrong!  They do.  And we need to stand in the gap and ensure that our children know who they are and Who's they are.  The world will, no doubt, come at them with insults and offenses, tearing apart their character and the idiosyncrasies that make them unique.  Therefore, it is essential that our children grow up knowing that they are made by God, in His perfect image.

So, we have a choice to make: We can either be the Jesse in our children's lives, setting low expectations and standards for our children; or we can be the Samuel in their lives, calling them forward to bigger and better things with Christ at the helm.
While our bodies may not appear to be perfect to the world, He made each of us EXACTLY how He wants us.  And in the end, it is not our physical frame, but our heart, that God is after.

¹While mainstream America and countries around the world view deafness as a handicap, the Deaf community disagrees.  Deaf people have chosen to stand--their inability to hear is not a disability.  Instead, it is a ticket into a beautifully unique culture with its own language and opportunities.
  

A Declaration

I have learned to love quiet times like today.  Outside is cold and dreary, but inside is nice and cozy.  I am wrapped in a fluffy fleece blanket, sipping on creamy hot chocolate--with extra chocolate. :) 
It isn't often that I can just sit here, without an agenda and without being rushed.  All is quiet and it is the perfect opportunity to reflect on all the awesomeness God has been doing in my life lately.

Constantly, I am reminded of the peace that He has placed in my heart.  I am often asked if I am scared or nervous about the road that lies ahead.  I can honestly answer with, "No, not at all."  God has completely protected me from any fear or anxiety.  He has been holding my heart in His hands and not allowed my faith to be shaken.  But don't misunderstand, my heart has definitely been breaking.  In fact, it is hard to recall a time when my heart was this shattered.  It takes enormous strength to hold back tears when I tell people about the deaf kids I have met in Uganda--their desire for love, acceptance, and healing. Their need for hope in Jesus Christ.

At times I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster.  There are days when I am ready to face this challenge head-on, like a confident superhero sent into battle with a secret-weapon cape.  Other days I see the magnitude of despair and wonder how I am so 'lucky' to be entrusted with such a massive mission.  It isn't that I don't want to, because believe me, there is no place on earth I would rather be than with those babies, telling them stories about an amazing savior named Jesus.  But there are times when I feel completely inadequate. 

I'm just being transparent, y'all. God has given me a glimpse into my future.  There will be mountains to scale, suffering to endure, and uncertainty to persevere through. God has shown me these daunting tasks, but He has also reminded me of His strength and promise to go before me.  (Deut 31:8)  I know that there will be tough days ahead, but I also know that I will experience a joy like I have never known.  Deaf children will begin their walk with Jesus.  Families will be restored.  Faith, hope, and love will radiate the hearts of Busega Community.

Lately, I have been finding myself at a loss for words about where God has me. I have tried to find the right adjectives and emotions to describe what this feels like and I have come to the conclusion that there are no words to adequately explain the feeling we get when we know God it actively working in our lives and in the lives of the ones we love.  It is a calming peace, a thrilling excitement, a longing anticipation, and a relentless trust all wrapped up--and you see--that still is not a satisfactory list.  Regardless of my lack of words, I know that God is in control and is leading every step I take as I continue to discover His will, and His journey for me.  He has placed a new love in my heart and a passion like I have never known.

I want nothing more than to see Christ living through those kids and their families. 
It is going to happen. 
God is going to radically change their hearts and rescue souls.

Please declare this with me.

Your Mission Should You Choose To Accept It...

I believe that we have all been created for a purpose. Ultimately, we were made to glorify God.  The avenue in which we accomplish this goal varies for each of us.

Often, what we are doing is comfortable and “fitting” for us. But, how often do we stop to think that perhaps God might just have more for us…if only we follow his lead?  After all, he does promise to faithfully lead and care for us, right?  Paul tells us in Phil 4:19  “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ.” And we are reminded in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you.” Says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you hope and a future.”

 

I recently heard this quote: “We must let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Well, I am letting go…because God is calling me to Uganda.  I got the MI:2 talk with God.  “Your mission, should you choose to accept it,” He said to me, “is to move to Uganda.  Seek out the lost and hurting deaf children and empower them with sign language.  Show them how much I love them and tell them about me.”

Let me back up a few months to the days when God’s story for my life began to unfold before my eyes.  I was on a mission trip with Arise Africa via Journey Church.  It was a Wednesday when our team rolled into the village of Makutu in the Iganga District.  Our team served diligently all day teaching about the miracles of Jesus and the faithful, loving character of God.  We played games with the kids, ran like crazy, cuddled babies, and my heart smiled from the flood of the kids' laughter and joy.  Among all of the fun and games, amazing stories, and chaos of hundreds of kids, one little girl repeatedly caught my eye.  She didn’t giggle and yell like the other kids. She didn’t sing during worship time and the other kids seemed to ignore her.

This sweet girl's name is Mutesa and she is deaf.

My heart broke as I pulled her aside and realized that she had never been taught language.  She had never been enrolled in school.  I peered into her eyes and could see her longing for acceptance, longing to be loved, longing to understand her place in this world.

We walked hand-in-hand until we found a quiet doorstep and sat down.  A crowd of children gathered around as I introduced Mutesa to sign language for the first time.  What a blessing it was to watch the sadness and desperation in her eyes turn to hope and excitement.  My heart leaped when she proudly marched to a pastor, tugged on his shirt, looked up at him and used her newly acquired signs to tell him that he was a boy!  Such a simple concept that we take for granted but proof of a brand new world opening for Mutesa.

When it was time to load the van and leave, I would be lying if I said I was okay.  To be honest, for a moment (or two…or three…) I just wanted to scoop her up in my arms, take her with me, and hold her forever. After all, how could she go one

more day without language? Without genuine love? Without knowing the name of Jesus?!

Then God shook me back to reality—I could not take her with me. So I trust that God is protecting her, leading her, and teaching her about himself in ways that I never could, even with sign language.

Meanwhile, in the days and months to follow God and I spent a lot of time together. I was asking a lot of questions while He was silently preparing my heart.  Then the time came when my questions were answered and God said to go. He has an awesome road ahead of me--nothing that I could have ever dreamed or imagined on my own, but I also could not imagine turning my back to a front row seat to witness countless deaf children learning sign language and experiencing Jesus’ love as they become followers of Him!

This is not Mission: Difficult.  It is Mission: Impossible.  I cannot do this of my own strength.  Jesus says, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26  I trust that God will be with me every step of the way, revealing himself and drawing hearts into His redemptive relationship every moment of every day. 

What a blessing it is to be a child of God and to serve the Lord.