Being Made New...

As my first year here in Uganda begins to draw to a close, I have been spending a lot of time evaluating (and reevaluating) the past few months. 
What has God accomplished?
How have lives been eternally impacted?
Where has God made the biggest changes in my life?
What about the ‘little’ changes?
What changes still need to be made in me?

That last question is one that I can’t seem to shake this morning.  God has done so much in my heart over the last year.  There are countless times when I just stand in awe of Jesus and all that His name represents.  Other times, my heart has been broken into millions of unidentifiable little pieces; shattered beyond repair.

But then, it is as if God reaches inside my chest, grabs hold of all the pieces, and tenderly molds my heart together again. 

The Bible reassures us that he makes everything new.  There is no doubt that I have seen my share of ‘new’ this year…but today I feel like God is saying, ‘I’m not done yet.”  There is still more that He wants to accomplish. 

The only thing stopping him? 

Me.

As many of us know, choosing to walk with God leads us into the middle of a battlefield.  Our adversary has an arsenal of weapons he uses in an attempt to weaken us and dissuade us from walking in righteousness with Christ.

Several months back, this battle became very real for me when someone I thought I could trust, joined forces with Satan and spoke awful accusations against me.  I wish I could say that the slanderous lies went in one ear and out the other.  I wish I could say that I wasn’t affected by the whole mess. 

But words hurt.
The situation caused me to question the intentions of the people around me. 
It made me keenly aware of my ‘outsider’ status and it was a painful reminder of the sinful nature of people—even those that claim to follow Jesus.
When the drama struck, my people-pleasing nature shifted into second gear.  I immediately wanted to do damage control and win over the heart of my accuser.  I wanted to defend myself and make the person understand that what they had said was a lie straight from the deceitful mouth of Satan.
I wanted to do and say a lot of things…but I didn’t.  Instead, God caused me to be silent. 

Looking back, I can now see how much the attack affected me.  In the past few months I have seen myself holding back, in more ways than one.  I have been afraid of exposing my heart—afraid that my sincerity and genuine desire to love the people here and serve God will be misinterpreted and used to damage the ministry God is doing here.  I have been afraid that Satan might seek to deceive others.  I didn’t realize it, but I have been afraid of being rejected by the ones I am called to love.

I have been walking in fear of what Satan might do rather than walking in the TRUTH of Christ.

This morning God has really poured out his love on me.  He has been revealing my faults and has extending his grace and forgiveness.  There is still plenty more that He desires to do in and through me.  He has made it very clear that His work is not finished.  Likewise, the work He has put before me is also incomplete.  He has not called me to be timid; He has called me to walk boldly with Him.  He wants me to run this race with perseverance while he secures my steps and make straight the path before me. 

This road that God has called me to travel is not easy but He promises that I will never have to walk it alone.  As a follower of Jesus, I have become a new creation.  But becoming ‘new’ is not a one-time event—it is a process.  The woman I am today is not the woman I was last year.  And I am thankful for all of the ways He continues to make me new.  Walls are being torn down, bridges are being built…and I am becoming the woman He desires me to be.

Melanda...

Do you have that ONE person in your life that just ‘gets’ you? 

Someone that knows your hopes and your dreams?
Someone that encourages you and inspires you to be a better person?
Someone that knows your deepest secrets…and loves you anyway?
You consider this person your ‘best friend’ but in reality, she is more than just a friend.  She is your sister, your advocate, your partner-in-crime, your confidant, and at times, your conscience. She knows what makes you tick…because her heart beats for the same thing. Her house is your second home.  In fact, you don’t even knock any more—you simply walk in and announce, “Hey! I’m home,” and make yourself comfortable…because you know that you are probably going to stay a while.  The two of you have more in common than any two people you know, while at the same time your unique differences perfectly compliment the other.  When people see her, they expect to also see you—it is like a packaged deal. 

Such a person does not enter your life accidentally. All the match-making credit is due to God.  He has woven your hearts and minds together in such a special way and your relationship has His fingerprints ALL over it.

I pray that everyone is able to find a friendship like this—it is a sweet gift from God.

My gift from God is a woman named Randa. 

We met around three years ago (I think).  It is hard to remember because it seems like I have known her forever.  While living in Raleigh, God grew our friendship out of our shared interest in children’s ministry.  We taught Sunday school together in the two-year-old classroom and soon began attending the same Bible Study on Thursday nights.  I don’t exactly remember what happened from there—all I know is that for the past one to two years, we have been nearly inseparable.  Before moving to Uganda, she and I spent most of our ‘free’ time together, which meant that we were together almost EVERY day.  As a result, she and I know each other very well.  There is no one else that understands me the way she does.

She is the only one that will spend hours with me perusing the isles of Michael’s, followed by several more hours camped out on her living room floor crafting our latest Pinterest project. We share a love for children and chocolate. And we will never pass on an opportunity to test out a new recipe. (Some make it to the making-this-again pile while others…not so much.)  She is the only one who will play princess and airplanes with me in the church hallway. And when something funny happens (or happy, or awkward, or anything, really) she is the first one that I think about calling or texting.  When my life is turned upside down by a terrifying phone call, she is the only one I run crying to.  We have a million and one inside jokes…and I’m sure they will stay that way because I am confident no one would understand our humor.  The two of us together is called “Melanda” and/or “The Melanda Show” and we can spend hours at a time talking about anything…and nothing, all at the same time. She can finish my sentences (probably better than I can) and I am pretty sure we can read each other’s minds. Sometimes all it takes is a look and the two of us burst into laughter.

I find it without surprise, that even though we are separated by thousands of miles, living on separate continents, on two different sides of the world, our hearts are still being burdened for the same things. 

There are days when I feel like my heart is being shattered into a million pieces. I see my kids trying to manage a pain that is so foreign to me, yet cuts me so deep.  I try to pray, seeking God for answers and comfort, but it has become all-too-common that the words are just not there. Instead, I pray that God sees the brokenness both in my heart and in the situations that have caused the tears.

Then, during our precious Skype time, I learn that Randa’s heart is also unsettled —for the immense pain that she has discovered in the lives of her children.  She, too, is struggling to understand how someone so young can be asked to carry such a heavy weight.  Overcome with grief and affliction, she prays for God to intervene because the suffering that lay before her is just too much for one woman to handle.

Being a follower of Jesus is not always glamorous—in fact, most times it is just the opposite. But even in the valleys, God’s love overcomes.  His faithfulness prevails and we are able to smile, knowing that He has never left our side.  Sometimes His presence is revealed via a scripture.  Other times, an early morning sunrise displays His glory.  Then there are times when He sends an angel to meet us on life’s path, lift us to our feet, and walk with us on our journey to eternity.  

 

I know that Jesus loves me; he has proven it by the way He has intricately woven Randa’s heart to mine. I am thankful for her and for the way God uses her to encourage me, sharpen me, and spur me on to run the race with endurance until we finally see His face.  I pray that I am able to do the same for her.  And I pray that God will continue to be glorified in our lives, whether we are t